How High Performing Women Can Discover the Joy in Grief

In this blog series and at our Vixen Mastermind gatherings, we’ve been working through emotional topics such as self-love and how it differs from self-care, shame, and now, grief. Talking to my friend, Lacey, we found that though we began talking about grief, we began to realize the wonders of life.

Grief doesn’t just happen when someone dies. It can happen in any number of ways. You can grieve the loss of an idea, a client, a relationship; anything in which one state of being transitions into another. It can affect us in any number of ways and as a GenX female entrepreneur sandwiched between caring for parents and children, you may not even realize there’s a loss to grieve or if you do, do you push right through?

For the Unconditional Love of Pups

Lacey came home one day to discover her two senior pups in what looked to be end of life situations. Her world dissolved into chaos as she got the dogs to the vet, get appointments rearranged, and focused on the needs of her animals. Though it must have seemed like hours, she was soon to learn that one was losing eyesight in his other eye, and one was simply not feeling well. They could both be helped. 

Once the vet had assuaged most of her fears and put her on a path to getting her dogs healthy again, or as healthy as they could be at their age, and once she got home, she felt a release. Everything that had gripped her in those moments had dissolved and the mind was free to take in everything happening as she processed her fears. Even preparing for loss is a type of grieving. You know it’s coming, but you still want to realize all the best things about the loss. 

Finding the Joy in Grief 

For many, grief means grieving the loss of a family member. We know life is finite and most often we’re prepared for our grandparents to leave us. But what happens when you pass on a plan to see your grandmother because of a work commitment only to discover that moment you passed up was your last chance at goodbye?

I love the way Lacey flips the script after coming through her own process of grieving to find the joy in grief. Yes, it is possible. She had an idea of what she wanted to be as a stepmom, and yet, those plans didn’t manifest in the way she thought. She’s processed what to do when you just want to take some time off. How do you step off the stage for a season? And throughout it all, she shares the one-liner that keeps her going. Find joy in grief.

It's a tough sell if you’re going through something right now. But the world is a wondrous place, and all the grieving is a movement forward. Joy is coming. For all the things that have befallen you, think about where you were a year ago, five years ago, what’s changed? Are you glad now for what you once grieved – the loss of a relationship, a job, or an idea? Are you in a better place now than before?

Have a Support System

Sometimes having a support system is one of the best ways to help you heal. These may be parents, good friends, a strong intuition, something that gives you pause and permission. For me, it was being told it was okay to not get back on the plan to go to Italy. I needed time to process what would be the loss of a relationship and my parents gave me that space.

Lacey found a support system to help her heal through the loss of an idea. Of what she thought motherhood might look like for her.

Strong support systems can often help us see the forest for the trees and can give us the space we need to heal, to understand, and to move into the next phase of our understanding.

Clearing the Throat Chakra 

We’re all carrying around negative thoughts and emotions. Unspoken words weigh heavy on our minds and yet we don’t feel we’re allowed to speak them. We’ve been taught to keep our emotions suppressed. That being emotional isn’t professional. And yet, that is how we can be most present to our clients when we’re being our authentic selves.

Lacey shared one of her yoga postures, Upward Facing Dog, to help clear the throat chakra. Lift your hands and arms high above your head, palms up. Raise your head and look up, elongating your neck, and breathe. Whether you’ve heard of a throat chakra or not, this exercise can help you stretch, breathe, meditate, and release. Give it a shot. What could it hurt, right?

If you’re grieving, give yourself grace. Allow yourself to surrender to the degree you can and remember you are one of the most amazing creations on earth. Operate your life with that understanding and allow yourself to feel and know your feelings as these are your superpowers.

Ask whoever you believe in to show you what to do with what your feeling. Is it a call to do something more? Something else? Maybe. Pay attention to your feelings and breathe. You’ve got this. 

5 Practical Tips and Takeaways

Be Still. Find clarity in the stillness by slowing down. It’s a back-and-forth journey. Pause. Acknowledge where you are today and how you feel.

Honor Your Body and Mind. Give yourself a break. No judgement. Good things begin to happen when you enter your flow state. Ask for clarity and direction and you’ll find yourself in the right place at the right time.

Be Thankful. Give Gratitude. It’s the quickest way to the flow state.

Work on Your Mindset Perspective. This isn’t a one and done process. If you’re grieving, you’ll have to face crappy moments, but if you can look at them as future joy, you may find and share your story. Flip the script on grief.

Celebrate all the tiny wins. If you celebrate all the tiny wins, then what you focus on brings more of it into your life.

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